the end

unfortunately, there won't be any pictures of my last piece :/ my own forgetfulness led to it being misplaced. i was quite sad when i realized this, because id felt like this piece really expressed a lot of what i had felt throughout this semester, and my journey in a way. i felt like the spirit and rhythm of the music came out...full of color and movement. creating it felt very intuitive this time around, and id been hoping to keep this piece.

but we all learn from our silly mistakes, hopefully.

 i began this course with really, very very little experience in art. my first art class was at cal, spring semester of sophomore year! id always been interested in art, but id never gotten the chance to take classes before, so i jump at the opportunity to mix them in with my plethora of bio classes. 
before beginning this course, i had a semester each of beginning drawing and beginning painting, both of which i enjoyed very much. however, that also meant that i came in with the idea that a certain aesthetic was what i wanted and was capable of doing. i wasnt expecting to test any sorts of artistic boundaries at all!
my understanding of mexican culture, on the other hand, was something that i knew could only improve through this class, as well as my grasp of the language. i had had little to no exposure to the mexican culture, made especially apparent now that i have taken such an integrative class.

to be quite honest, the first couple of weeks (and here and there thereafter) were quite difficult for me. i could see how talented everyone else, their spanish fluency, and their commonalities as people who grew up with a strong mexican (or spanish) influence. it isnt that i felt unaccepted, but every class was a huge reminder of what made me different, and made me wonder if i belonged in the class at all.

i think my comfort level increased as i became more familiar with the class format, and exposed myself to the music and allowed myself to open up more and let my weekly pieces reflect that. creatively and conceptually, i learned to try to push my boundaries, and use materials i was unfamiliar with, like wood and bags and other found material, or work with ideas that required some more research. the week i used a long slab of wood and a piece of cloth for fiesta/tristeza were real turning points for me.

i developed a sort of routine too, of using the readings and music as a launching point and trying to stick to those ideas and imagery as close as possible before trying to see how it fit into my life as an asian american with my own heritage and ideas, and then almost forcing myself to experiment with new materials.

i think this class has definitely pushed me into making work that i never would have made on my own...i would have continued limiting myself to my paper and pencil/charcoal! which is fine, but i think the class has also come to see that this is not "my" medium. this class has definitely challenged my thinking as well, trying to understand mexican culture and how that has affected their generalized mindset, and also just learning to be in situations that are not within my comfort zone. im still not fluent in spanish, but i think ive grown more comfortable looking for those key words and trying to put two and two together, but also being comfortable with not knowing or fully understanding sometimes. not everything should be squeezed, and stretched, and forced to be repackaged into another language for another listener to understand. its just not the same. on both an artistic level and emotional level, this class has challenged me, and i really am very grateful for that.

things seems to come in trios

i definitely remember feeling out of sorts when i worked on my project this week, and i think vreni really hit the spot in her assessment of my work. while i did not intentionally make my work to be difficult to enter and relate to, i think my state of mind at the time was reflected in my work, and im glad it did--at least in retrospect. 

i had tried to use the three songs that were used in the plot of ry cooder's story as launching points, but i think i ended up putting in more of a commentary on myself than anything else. its funny how that happens, isnt it?

a fading candle, an eye that allows one to see yet also serves as a barrier...your own perspective from that of another. 

this farolito of mine

i wish i had had more time to figure out a better way to display this. maybe a sturdier paper?

it was a simple concept for me...my little subtle light, enough to shine in a dark place. i'd spent a lot of time thinking about it, but i think i could have done better with the actual execution.
it's hard to see, but i promise the farolito is there!

fade, fading, faded...para las mexicanas

i thought a lot about the concept for this week, and i wanted to do something very different...especially in comparison to last week. i was so guarded in my piece last week, and i wanted to do something that revealed everything, in some sense anyway. 

i feel like i basically wrote a journal entry (hopefully in more interesting and poetic language than in an ordinary one) on the piece of wood, before writing the lyrics to some hymns that came to mind over it. and then i smeared lotion over it, smearing the already difficult-to-see words. Throughout the night, the lotion absorbed into the wood. In this picture, the lotion has already faded, but you can still see some remnants of the lotion.

who knows if what i was going for translated well to the viewer...our class never got to my piece, so i dont really know what sort of feelings were evoked when they looked at it. but i think im satisfied knowing that it was viewed. the process of making this piece was like compacting a lot of the things ive been going through lately into one small block of wood, guarded and restrained, yet free flowing in a way. and i wonder if this is how some of the singers felt too, taking feelings and emotions from their own personal lives into their performances, yet never truly divulging it all. it just wouldnt be wise.

letra de perdida de los panchos, on the back